Before leaving the US, Life in France

Look before you leap

Several months ago we wrote about a retired American couple who had moved to France, expecting to settle here permanently. Wife Joanna said that they were looking for “civility, consideration and little or no gun violence” that they seemed to have found in Nîmes. Unfortunately, a year later they were preparing to return to San Francisco for a variety of difficulties revolving around: visas, banking and government regulations, the language, the food, and not having any friends. “Things are very difficult to figure out here…I miss familiarity…I miss knowing where things are,” she concluded. Then I saw a CNN Travel story about a Florida woman who so enjoyed her vacations in Spain that she took up residence there two years ago. Can you guess where she now lives?

Le Bono, Brittany

Yes, Christina is back in Miami which genuinely shocked me because she is of Cuban descent and speaks Spanish fluently. Clearly there’s much more to feeling comfortable in another country even when communication is not a challenge. There were weather issues: too cold and rainy in the winter, too hot and no air conditioning in the summer. Opening and closing hours: mid-day siestas when many businesses are closed and restaurant dinners that begin at 8 or 9 PM. Food: “fried, greasy and unhealthy.” People: “closed culture”, not warm nor optimistic. Conveniences: or the lack of; nothing being open at all hours. She ended with, “I couldn’t adapt”. 

Pujols

In contrast, just as I was reading about Christina’s return to the USA, I saw this magazine headline, “Record High Number of Americans Want to Leave”. The article was referring to a Gallup poll where 21% of the respondents had indicated a desire, but not necessarily the intent, to move out of the country. That number was 10% in 2011. While the current political climate was cited as the most compelling and most stress-producing reason, other considerations included cost of living, safety, healthcare, and cultures that mirror their personal values. 

For that last point, to discover what might be considered “French values” I looked at what could be translated as the, “Contract of commitment to respect the principles of the Republic” that many foreigners seeking residence in France must sign. Those principles include personal freedom, equality, secularism, and dignity of the human person meaning acceptance of gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, age, health status, and origins. The country’s motto is “Liberty, Equality, Fraternity”. 

You might remember a movie starring Susan Sarandon called “Anywhere But Here” where a mother who wants a better life for her daughter uproots the both of them to pursue her daughter’s career in Hollywood. They had a dream but perhaps not enough background information to make a wise choice. In our experience, we’ve found this to be true, “Make sure that you have a clear understanding of what life will be like in your new home.  Don’t just run away from something, have a goal of what you are running towards.” Look, learn, then leap!

Photo notes: The featured photo is the mountaintop view from Rocamadour and in the first paragraph is a Roman gate in Nîmes.

13 thoughts on “Look before you leap”

  2. So true! I moved to France 4 years ago, but even though I was very sick of the insanity in the US, that was not the main reason I came here. The long and short of it is that I never once felt I was “home” anywhere in the US, I did try, and lived in four completely different regions from east to west, and traveled a lot. But no matter where I was it never felt like “home”. Every single time I came to France it felt like home to me, even before I learned the language. I enjoyed traveling other places, but they never felt like “home” to me, even other places in Europe. So, I did a lot of research, learned what I could of the culture, watched French media, etc., on top of learning the language (even though I was in my 60s I still was able to learn, and while I have a strong accent, I’m complimented all the time by French people on my language skills, though I still want to improve them further). I think if possible, it’s best to be moving TO a place rather than only FROM a place. And if possible, do everything you can to be as ready as you can before arriving. Everything you can learn beforehand saves you unpleasant surprises after. Also, if you can have the attitude of “that’s just how things are done here” rather than being disappointed it’s not like it is elsewhere, you’ll do better. That’s part of the rhythm of life here, and it’s not that hard to adapt to and even enjoy. I like that people here aren’t forced to live at a frenetic pace, and can live life. 

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  3. Hi!

    I agree with everyone’s advice about preparation, but we moved here without any and love it. As you might remember, Larry and I had spent two months of each of the past four years in Paris and were considering spending a year here. I had minored in French many years ago and studied it on and off through my life. Larry had no interest in learning any language. In 2017, our cat and dog were with us and we were staying in Paris for a month when our California house burned in a wildfire. Because we didn’t have anywhere to go, we stayed in France for two months, mostly traveling in the south. We returned to CA because I was scheduled for surgery. We didn’t have furniture, cars, clothes, a place to stay. We lived in 16 vacation rentals, then decided to get a visa and return to Paris. I found an apartment online. By the time our CA home was rebuilt, we weren’t interested in going back. We have a lovely renter. We love France and Paris most of all. This is home.

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  4. Lots of excellent thoughts here and I have do doubt integration is a hard nut to crack. In our case it was an Anglophone bookshop in Perigueux which broke the ice. Every Friday late afternoon local French people and wide range of international residents – from Lebanon to the US – get together in Boukie’s for drinks and chat. My experience is that while it can be hard to break through the reserve to make French friends it is worth the effort to find a loyal and supportive network. We put a huge effort into the language, building on a school basis from many years ago that lay deep in my brain somewhere, and that definitely helped. I have seen both sides of the move to France – loneliness and finally creating a successful support group of good friends. It has been worth the effort.

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    2. Language is everything. Even with baby steps the locals appreciate that. Especially if one continues studying and practicing. I agree wholeheartedly.

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  5. This blog has played a major role in my own preparation over the past couple of years. I’ve read and re-read every post. You’ve provided many details, but there are other sites that do *just* that, and not much more. What distinguishes your blog is that you’ve given your rationale, strategies, reactions, and adaptations, all of which provide what the other sites lack – *insight*. This particular post should be read FIRST by anyone wishing to try life in another country. As for me, I was forewarned and therefore fore-armed for what would at times be a struggle. A life rich with experience has taught me that much of life is a struggle anyway, and with that come tradeoffs.

    The trick in deciding whether to move or not is to judge whether those tradeoffs will comprise a bargain or an expensive mistake. Now, just entering my 3rd month in France, I still think it’s quite a bargain – I feel as if my life is just opening up after years spent largely toiling in isolation in a country where people have completely forgotten much of what once made us the envy of the world. Even though the French, like most of the Western world, are subject to the same problems that plague our own country, their response is sometimes the same, although more measured, and often it’s different, because the principles of the Republic are hard-wired whereas much to my chagrin, they are not as hard-wired as I once thought back home. One anecdote of how things are different here – walking around town TWICE this past week I ran into friends. I cannot recall the last time that happened back home. Life here is definitely different. I only wish I’d been able to move sooner.

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    1. Wow, Rich, thank you for the compliment ! We’re just trying to pass along our experiences in hopes that it will help others and, thank you for saying, it sounds as if it’s working. Glad to hear that you are settling in so quickly–it’s good to feel at home 😎

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    2. I would assume that it did come at the perfect time in your life. You may realise this some time later, down the road of life.

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  6. Here in Augsburg we have a similar figure as the Roman one in Nimes. Our Roman is emperor Augustus and he sits way on top of the Augustus Fountain, with the same raised arm, speaking to his troops.

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