When I tried to find out how many YouTube channels there are, the only agreement between websites seemed to be on the word “million” following numbers such as 37, 51, 113, or even 373, all of which translates to “a lot”. I (half) joked with Bill that you could learn anything, including brain surgery, from these videos. Spoiler alert: don’t search for that unless you have a strong stomach. We do use this extremely popular online platform for less serious matters that include improving our French and discovering more about the society in which we now live. A topic that I’ve seen at least once on almost every channel I follow has to do with mistakes to avoid as a visitor or new resident in France. The faux pas listed below are the ones that appear most often with our own experiences noted beside each one. 

This post was a whole lot easier than I anticipated and not because I used one of the AI chat programs to write it. Although each video offered the creator’s own viewpoint, there were enough matches among them to create this list that is in no particular order.

Being too loud—Most conversations in public, especially in restaurants, are quiet. Sure, we’ve been in some crowded situations where that wasn’t true but in many more where the boisterous English speakers (sometimes even our own dining companions) have been unaware of the strength of their voices.

Hugging and kissing others—Not a big concern for visitors but once you live here then you do have to figure out the “air kisses” dilemma including which cheek to start with, how many do you offer, and when is a handshake more appropriate. Luckily our French friends usually initiate the gesture so there aren’t any awkward moments. We keep reading that hugging is reserved for those in intimate relationships and while that seems generally true we do hug the friends we’ve known for 35 years without freaking them out; we hope!

Being too personal—This fits with the overall reserve of the French “coconut” personality that’s initially hard to crack yet sweet inside versus the American “peach” that’s sweet outside with a hard inner core. For us, this transition didn’t really take long as we got settled into our neighborhood where we use the informal “tu” when addressing everyone although we’re still typically formal, using “vous”, when we first meet someone or even still with the vendors at the market whom we’ve seen weekly for 7 years.

Smiling and/or staring at others—We think that this depends on if you are in a large city or a smaller town, really not so different from the US. Here in Carcassonne we often smile and say “bonjour” to people that we pass while out on a walk which we would never do in Paris, for example. We’re not ones to stare at others but we’ve definitely been on the receiving end of those prying eyes and opinion seems divided. Some YouTubers say that it’s rude which is why you won’t see the French doing this while an article I read was entitled, “8 Reasons a French Person Might be Staring at You.”

Forgetting to say “hello”—We hear “bonjour” around us all of the time; when entering a shop, when stopping at a market stall, when getting on to a bus. Once, a baker refused to serve the woman in front of us until she responded to his repeated “bonjours”. We’ve also learned the value of saying “excuse me” and we never leave a shop or even the bus without saying “good bye”.

Being late—For dinner parties we know of the “quart d’heure de politesse” that suggests as a courtesy you show up 15 minutes late to make sure the host will be ready but in our neighborhood, where people know us, we’re always on time. For anything else, including medical appointments, bank consultations, and certainly government interviews, you are expected to be on time.

Showing up empty handed—Traditionally when you are invited to someone’s home you take a small gift such as flowers or a box of chocolates but never wine if dinner is involved. No matter the occasion we’ve always taken a bottle of wine, mentioning that it’s “for the future”, and that’s been well received.

Blocking the escalator—This was on almost everyone’s list so I’m guessing all the video makers live in big cities. We don’t have escalators in Carcassonne but when we travel and need them we carefully stand to the right to allow those behind us to run up the stairs if they wish.

Putting ice in your wine—YouTuber Guillaume (all photos are from his channel Guillaume Posé – Professeur de français) from Toulouse that has a similar climate to ours that includes warm summers, had this surprising suggestion, at least to us. Our area produces lots of rosé wine that at restaurants is often served with a side glass of ice cubes, especially if you are sitting outside in the sun.

This list could probably go on much longer if I included items mentioned only one time like never place a baguette upside down on your table or never talk about politics, religion, or other sensitive subjects. With our French friends if we didn’t cover those subjects in our conversations, we’d be eating in silence. In our opinion, success in these matters can be achieved with that one word mentioned above: politesse. Of course there are differences between cultures (an example of funny French sounds is below) but a bit of logic combined with courtesy would seem to resolve them…or even celebrate them.