The online newspaper, Connexion France, featured some ideas from a relocation agency in Paris on how to fit in once you’ve moved to France. There were half a dozen topics that I’ll put below but the one that stuck out to me was an opinion from Justyna Simmons that “People should learn the rules of the society because France is very rules-driven.” Fair enough, but she went on to suggest that any sense of politeness here is based on those rules rather than the perception of being “nice” as she found in the US. In America, she said, “It’s not ok, not to be nice.”

Before we go into that comparison, let’s look at the other tips that might be more defined, starting with perhaps the most obvious way to fit in here.

Learn French—There are only 2 things that I might have done differently before moving to France: sold our house as soon as we decided to move and learned more French. It all worked out—the house sold in 2 days and once we got here our agent at the Préfecture asked us to help translate for a British couple who weren’t understanding the process, but still….

Bureaucracy—A better word might be “paperwork” and we were warned that there would be plenty, and there was/is, but be it for a visa, a residence card, to open a bank account, or to join the national health system, we’ve always been told in advance what documents were required. By presenting those exact documents in the exact order as listed by each agency, we’ve never had a problem.

Joie de vivre—We think of this “Joy of Life” more as “Quality of Life” and is the reason we cite most often when asked why we moved to France. Generally, French people take the time to enjoy things including food, wine, movies, and vacations. They want to talk about all of these and they also want to know what you think and why you feel that way, especially if you have a different opinion from theirs. This is not a confrontation but a genuine interest in understanding why you feel a certain way.

Work-life balance—Closely attached to the above joie de vivre is this tip about working to live rather than living to work. Employees usually have 5 weeks of vacation a year, can’t respond to job-related emails or phone calls outside of working hours, take real lunch breaks away from their desks, and have 2 days together off each week. In our area we know that many businesses will be closed on Sundays and Mondays, for lunch from 12:00 PM to 2:00 PM, and maybe for 3 weeks in July or August. We’re used to it and just make arrangements in advance.

Outdoors lifestyle—This became especially evident once travel restrictions surrounding Covid were lifted and campgrounds across the country were inundated and remain popular today. Our region of Occitanie has beautiful Mediterranean beaches that are at capacity during the summer. Hiking and cycling clubs abound.

Move when your children are young—While we have no personal experience with this, we do know a family that temporarily moved from the US while Dad had a 4-year contract overseas. The children, now young adults, who were plunged into the local school system, are fully bilingual.

Now, back to being “nice”. Bill and I remember growing up with TV shows and even commercials that promoted being polite: the ever-cheerful Buffalo Bob, lessons about respecting others from Mr. Do Bee, or an ad that ended with, “Please and thank you for a Tootsie Roll”. How often, after getting a sweet treat from someone, did we hear from our parents, “And what do you say?” Years later, that civics course in high school seemed to reinforce these ideals with the emphasis on being a responsible citizen living in a democracy.

Although we can’t comment about being raised on kids’ TV here, we certainly can discuss our daily observations that might have been influenced by it. There is always a friendly “bonjour” when you enter any shop or when you approach the cash register. We often hear that greeting from people we encounter on the sidewalk on our walk downtown. Some cafés, perhaps wanting to make a point, offer a menu that posts a high price if you order “a coffee” but lowers it when you add “please” and even further when you begin with “hello”. We join our fellow city bus riders who always greet the driver with “bonjour” and often say “Merci, au revoir” when leaving. The national motto of France includes the word fraternité that we see expressed as solidarité as a core value where people look out for each other.

So, are we all following the rules or simply being polite? Perhaps it’s like that quote attributed to Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”

Thank you, Connexion France and Your Friend in Paris for these talking points.

Photo notes: In the featured photo across the top of today’s blog post are the castle steps in Camon. In the first paragraph the signs in Port-en-Bessin warn you not to park on that street, to watch out for the steep road, and not to drive a heavy vehicle there.