Ben, the editor of the online newspaper The Local France tells the funny story of his first visit to a doctor in this country. He had gone in with a sore throat but soon found himself naked, on all-fours on the floor, scrambling to collect the coins that had fallen out of his trouser pockets and rolled under the doctor’s desk. Knowledge, or lack of in this case, was the problem since Ben had not yet perfected his language skills (“take off your shirt” doesn’t mean “take off everything”) and he didn’t know that practitioners might give you an overall exam even if your ailment seems limited to one spot in your body. Accompanying this story was an article with several points on how to feel more at home in France.

Probably every guide to living or even visiting France includes this suggestion: Say bonjour (a lot). Truly every interaction we have with someone—shopkeepers, bus drivers, government employees, neighbors—always starts with “bonjour” and always ends with “au revoir” or another term for taking your leave. I think that The Local was correct when they wrote, “If you think you’re saying it far too frequently, you’ve probably got it about right.”

Laugh at yourself. When learning a language we all make mistakes. There are so many words that to our ear can sound similar and all too often with an “adult” meaning: are you saying neck or bottom; a friendly kiss or love making; bubbles or men’s anatomy? Even the French correct each other, especially regarding the gender of nouns or the conjugation of little used verbs.

Take August off work (and July). Our part of the country has miles of Mediterranean beaches that can be like ghost towns in the winter yet wall to wall sunbathers in the summer. Generally each year workers get 5 weeks of vacation, at least 2 of which must be taken consecutively to ensure a genuine break from the job.

Check the holiday calendar. Like the US, France has 11 public holidays but they may not all be when you’d expect them. Sure, Christmas and New Year’s Day are the same but when are Ascension, Pentecost, and Toussaint (All Saints’ Day)?

The hours of 12 until 2pm are lunchtime. At least where we are, most independent shops and all governmental agencies close midday for 2 hours but then retail stores are often open until at least 7:00 PM. Coinciding with that, a lot of restaurants are only open during the lunch period and then reopen around 7:00 PM for dinner.

Be polite to fonctionnaires (civil servants). Every country has a bureaucracy to deal with and we’ve found that the best way to cope with that in France is to find out in advance what documents are required and then provide those and maybe a few more as backup. That official is simply doing her/his job and I always keep in mind that every desk in any office has a trash can sitting beside it into which my application could fall. Application, monsieur, what application?

Use markets. It doesn’t get more French than going to the weekly outdoor marché to get your fresh fruits and vegetables and maybe your eggs, milk, and cheese right from the farmer.

Don’t ask a question unless you want an answer. Both of us laughed at this one since we had to get used to our new friends telling us exactly what they thought. Once we realized that everyone did this with each other as well, we knew that we had been accepted. Therefore, today’s blog post title is a play on that question you don’t want to ask: Does this make me look fat?

And what was the final suggestion for fitting in? Wear your best underwear to visit the doctor. Luckily, our medical visits have been planned around annual checkups so we expected to be poked and prodded in our “unmentionables” but now after The Local’s editor’s experience, we’ll be ready for any situation!

Photo note: The featured photo is a group of men in berets awaiting their bus from the Carcassonne train station to the airport. In the first paragraph is a statue of Hermès (Mercure) by Durand at the Fine Arts museum in Carcassonne.