Life in France

To stay or to go

There was a story in the Travel section of the CNN website that generated a lot of conversation within the immigrant/expat community here. Retired couple Joanna and Ed had moved from San Francisco to France in 2023 with the intention of staying here permanently, yet a year later they were preparing to return to the US. They initially tried living in London that they found too expensive but it did allow them to travel extensively in Europe including to Nîmes where, after a 2-month stay, they eventually settled. Joanna said, “We were looking for civility, consideration and little or no gun violence” with this southern city within our own region of Occitanie fitting the bill for them. Unfortunately their challenges began with the first step, getting a visa, and continued after they arrived. Bill and I evaluated each of the issues they encountered and compared those to our own experiences.

Doorway in Lagrasse

We don’t have any more details about the couple other than what was included on the CNN website but it did appear that they really wanted this to succeed. Their comments included, “We never ever anticipated that this wouldn’t work out.” and “We thought, ‘We’ll die here. We’re done.’” Here is how they described some of their challenges:

  • For them, getting a visa was complicated—When Bill and I applied, each French consulate in the US had a list on their respective websites detailing exactly the documents we had to provide for our visa application. Two weeks after we handed in our paperwork, our visas arrived in the mail. Now the government has a dedicated website just for visas: https://france-visas.gouv.fr/ that we believe makes the process even easier.
  • Flying their cat to France cost $5000—Our dog flew on the same plane with us, in the hold. I see that Air France currently charges 400€ for a pet’s ticket from the US to Paris.
  • Bewildered by the rules and regulations, especially opening a bank account—There definitely are rules and regulations that everyone must follow but none of these are hidden since the corresponding websites (government, bank, utilities, etc.) tell you exactly what is needed. Online forums and blogs written by those who have already gone through the process provide lots of information.
  • Struggled to pick up the language—Joanna admits, “I have been so busy packing, unpacking, assembling furniture etc. that I haven’t really found time to hunker down and start…It was always on my list but just couldn’t find the time.” We started learning French before we left the US and continued that here with in-person and online courses and we’re still learning. If we were native French speakers and moved to the US we would anticipate needing to speak English simply to exist on a day-to-day basis.
  • Not a fan of the food—They feel that meals of “brie, pâté, pastries and French bread” are good,  adding, “But who eats like that?” “You go to the supermarket, and the produce is terrible,” they say. Our small, neighborhood grocery store does a fine job of stocking fresh produce and the Saturday open-air market has 50 stalls selling fruits and vegetables, some of which were picked the night before from farms around Carcassonne or even from the seller’s own garden.
  • Problem shipping a car from the US to France—Their experience was, “You can get five different answers to one simple little question.” The French embassy in Washington, DC maintains a page on their website that specifically addresses this issue with the rules that must be followed, https://franceintheus.org/spip.php?article782 Armed with this official information you can then consult the websites of various shipping companies and choose one that follows the rules.
  • Couldn’t find a doctor in Nîmes—‘We don’t take new patients,” was the answer they heard after visiting 6 different offices. Their conclusion was, “Where’s the list that tells you which ones do and which ones don’t? They don’t have that. You’ve just got to figure it out yourself.” Currently there is indeed a shortage of doctors in this country. After 6 years of medical school, students must complete 3 years as an intern until they are granted a diploma to begin practicing, so it will be a while before the supply meets the demand. When our family doctor in Carcassonne retired  we had to travel to Narbonne, 30 minutes by train, to discover someone accepting new patients. Thanks to the website Doctolib https://www.doctolib.fr/ that was easily accomplished. While writing this blog post I checked this website for a family doctor, médecin généraliste, who was accepting new patients in or around Nîmes and found 26.
  • No friendships—About the French, “It’s a hard shell to break,” she says. “They’re very private people. But they’re also principled and moral. They’re nice people. There’s nothing unkind about them. They’re just not extremely social.” If you live in an apartment building and don’t attempt to speak French with your French speaking neighbors, this could happen. Within 2 weeks of moving into our house here there was a street party specifically to introduce us to all of the other residents on our rue. 
  • Some other quotes—“Things are very difficult to figure out here… So I’m too old for this.” “And then when you want to drink, you have to have a drink that’s on a little menu that they make,” she says. “So if I want to have a martini, ‘Oh, it’s not on the menu.’” “I miss familiarity,” she says. “I miss knowing where things are. I miss frozen yogurt, because they don’t have it here. (By the way, national retailers Picard, Thiriet, and Intermarché all list frozen yogurt on their shopping websites.)
Market in Carcassonne

For us, the lesson here is do your homework, that is, read as much as you can about other peoples’ experiences; ask questions on forums and blogs that deal with living here; read about French culture, history, politics, and society. Above all, get comfortable with the French language. Joanna and Ed concluded their story with, “I don’t want to say we failed. But it just didn’t work out.”

Link to the original CNN article: https://edition.cnn.com/travel/us-couple-dream-life-france-became-nightmare

Photo notes: Across the top of today’s blog post is a vineyard near us in Corbières and in the first paragraph is the 2000-year-old arena in Nîmes.

19 thoughts on “To stay or to go”

  1. This couple moved from Nimes to Montpellier last fall, and all our friends here were astonished to read the article. Their experience doesn’t match ours at all. Our biggest obstacle has been learning French, but that’s part of the reason we moved–to learn a new language and culture. It takes some effort (three years in, I take four French lessons per week and am part of a weekly language exchange group, and I still speak French like a toddler), but we expected that. Oh, and the produce is magnificent–except for the celery!

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  2. Good morning to Bill and Bob,

    clearly they did not have what it takes to make a success of their life abroad. It is not for everyone either.

    What an ordeal of discovering this. Good for them that they had enough money to be able to move back to the USA.

    Now they do not have to learn how to speak, read and write a foreign language. And they can eat their frozen joghurt as much as they like.

    I can not help myself but, will refrain from adding more of my very own “snark”. 😉

    Have a lovely sunday!
    Susanne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good morning Susanne, you’re right that these folks had quite the ordeal to go through to find out that overseas living wasn’t for them. As you know, being on vacation anywhere is not the same as living there–on reflection, for us, being here is even better! A nice Sunday to you as well 😎

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  3. I remember that article from quite a while ago. Particularly the photo of the woman in the supermarket surrounded by fresh produce, holding a magnificent red pepper while claiming “the produce is terrible!” I don’t want to be snarky, but they seemed to have a poor attitude. Using the excuse of “assembling furniture” for not attempting to learn French? If they wanted to fit in and make life easier, it should have been their top priority, including before they moved.

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  4. Fully agree – totally opposite experience from us. I remember reading this article and thinking – fake news

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    1. It does seem hard to believe–except maybe the part about how long it takes to put furniture together 🤣

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  5. If only they had discovered your blog along the way. It’s certainly been helpful to me. I moved from the San Francisco Bay Area to France (not too far from you, near Toulouse) and have found it to be wonderful. I

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  7. I read an article about these folks a few months back. With my own “moment of truth” fast approaching, I find that I’ve been preoccupied with everything it takes for me to relocate, from building secure storage space in the basement, sorting stuff, giving, donating, moving stuff, to renovating my apartment for rental and providing for its management in my absence. Then there are the many bits of administrivia to complete… I haven’t focused the necessary energy on re-acquiring French that I had planned and this is haunting me. So, I just committed to 4 weeks of intensive French located a 7-minute walk from my apartment in the Bastide. It feels like cheating, but I have no doubt it would have been necessary to do something like this – as a start – even if I had managed to continue preparing before I leave. Life has taught me that nothing worthwhile comes without concentrated effort, and I’ve already decided after decades of dreaming that this move – for however long – is worthwhile for me.

    I will humbly accept whatever good luck vibes anyone cares to send, and rest assured they will be reflected back!

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    1. Actually Rich, it sounds as if you’re right on top of things. No worries about your French language skills–it really will all start coming back to you once you begin studying and especially using it on a daily basis 😉

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      1. My panic just receded – thank you! If I fail it won’t be from lack of effort! After several years of research then having decided on France, more than 2 additional years of research and planning, I’ll take every vote of confidence I can get! I know I can make myself understood in (mostly) French, but the nightmare scenario comes when I imagine hearing spoken French the same way Charlie Brown & co hear adults… I’ve identified some strategies for overcoming that, I just haven’t been able to put them to work yet. I’ll definitely be out of my comfort zone for a while – making me all the more eager to break the hearing barrier. I’ll have to put my stubbornness to some good. When I get discouraged, I can invite my Franco-American mentors (not the spaghetti!) out for un verre. Fortunately, I know just the place!

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  8. One of the many things I like about the French is their diplomacy. 

    Bill, Vous avez la diplomatie d’un vrai Français.

    And as my “French” mother used to say, « Se moquer du malheur des autres, c’est inviter le sien »

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  9. Any move this big requires years of information seeking. This was one of the very first blogs we started reading in that process and it remains a must read. We bought a home in Quillan last summer and the long term visa is our next step. Whenever someone asks if they can or should do something like this, my first though is always, “how good are you at following directions.”

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