There’s an old joke about European stereotypes regarding the ideal situation vs. what might be a nightmare. The story goes that Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and it’s all organized by the Swiss. On the other hand, Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and it’s all organized by the Italians. Given that we live in France, I’ll take the safe way out and say, “No comment”, but I did want to address something that we often see repeated about this country: rudeness.

Ten years ago, Parisian best friends Alex and Tom moved to the US on football (soccer) scholarships to pursue their bachelor’s degrees. During the COVID lockdowns they started producing language learning videos and created the company that bears their initials: AT Frenchies. We’ve seen them on French TV and they even did a comical segment with President Emmanuel Macron where he correctly translated the nonsensical sentence, “A ripe blackberry whispers to the wall” as “Une mûre mûre murmure au mur.”

While these two guys delight in finding other tongue-twisters like this to keep the learning on the lighter side, they also thoughtfully examine some deeper cultural differences, like the one concerning politeness. Alex, while wearing a t-shirt that says, “Not arrogant—just French” recorded a video that began with, “There is this myth that the French are rude and I disagree.” He feels that they are just being honest. While Americans prioritize friendliness and use enthusiastic language to make interactions warm and easy, the French value sincerity and keep communication minimal and honest. A compliment from a French person is given only if they truly mean it.

The AT Frenchies feel that we have different ways of communicating. The American style is characterized by enthusiasm (“Love your sweater,” “Have the best day ever”) and a constant effort to add warmth to every interaction, making politeness a “social superpower.” In France, there is simplicity and minimalism. They start with “bonjour,” observe, and take their time, not “performing kindness,” but expressing it sincerely.

Lastly, there is a difference in the perception of respect. In the USA the emphasis is on engaging right away and making an immediate warm connection. Here, on the other hand, people are given space “to breathe” without an assumption of immediate closeness. This initial distance and honesty is viewed as being respectful.

The video concludes with, “So no, the French aren’t rude. We’re simply honest at the beginning. But once we trust you, we’ll talk with you for hours, invite you over, cook for you, debate life with you until midnight.” And with our experience, we agree.

Photo notes: The featured photo across the top is at the military barracks near us and in the first paragraph is a “no parking” sign at the entrance to our neighborhood pharmacy.